I've gone from pregnant, to not pregnant, to emotional wreck, to being able to tune EVERYTHING out, to not being able to take a shower until 9 o'clock at night (a full 24-48 hours goes by sometimes which was NEVER a common thing for me), to balling my eyes out over breast feeding, to being ok with NOT breastfeeding, to changing sheets/diapers/his clothes/my clothes 5-10x a day, to forgetting to eat or drink or go to the bathroom for hours upon hours, to even forgetting to let Teddy go outside to the bathroom, and lastly, to caring for the most beautiful baby in the entire world.
whew. right?
So today when I read this by C.H. Spurgeon, it seriously hit home for me...
"Like a tree, he bears sweet fruit, not to hang on boughs, but to be gathered by those who need. Grace, whether its work be to pardon, to cleanse, to perserve, is ever to be had from Him freely and without price; nor is there one form of the work of grace which he has not bestowed upon his people." (re: 2 Tim. 2:1)
I understand that all these things that have happened these past 4 weeks are natural and almost all moms out there can agree with me...but I am still in need of His grace. Not because I am tired and trying to get this mom thing down, but because my fatigue and stress can turn into self pity very quickly, which can turn into frustration and anger.
The amazing thing about realizing how good God really is, is the realization of how much we are in desperate need of his image in our lives. Let me go ahead and admit to you that I am downright dumb when it comes to thinking I have to be a perfect wife, mom, and christian, because at the end of the day, I fail miserably. But the cool thing is by reading authors like Spurgeon and the bible, I can boldly say I am glad I don't have it together 100% of the time. That means more opportunities to ask for the grace that can 'pardon, cleanse, and perserve' me in my weaknesses, and I am completely ok with admitting and asking for it (it = grace = help).
I hope you can boldly say you need help too. It makes a world of difference :)
3 comments:
I need HEEEEEEEEEELP!
Truly, Ana, I LOVED this post.
I hope one day soon I can come over to your house& we can have coffee& talk about life.
Exactly what you learned this week/month is what I've been learning this week/month, only from different experiences. I may blog mine out, too, but I thoroughly enjoy reading your perfect Ana-way of saying things& giving insight!
Love to the Fierros!
Cousin ...I love reading your blogs, and this one especially. When Anthony was born I was a graveyard shift employee at Budweiser. I worked from 8 at night to 5:30 am. After all that labor I had to rush home and watch my lil guy until he naped ,then I would get rest...Now you know how newborns nap. 2 hours at a time. I wish I had inspiration like u find in Christ back then. I think it would've made like so much easier. I love you and hope that you enjoy these early years of James life because they go by so quick. God bless you and your family.
Natalie-YES PLEASE! I'd love to have you over! What's your crazy schedule like? I don't go back to work until late May, but I know we plan on Disneyland before that. What about April? Wanna come over!? Let me know!
Anthony-You, my sweet cousin, are too great. I had no idea you worked that schedule AND watched your baby boy. What a papa! Love you too, thank you for your kind words & encouragement <3
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